time to FEEL.

9 Mar

I guess i’m at that point where I’m finally realized I haven’t found myself just yet. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to be good to those around me that i never was really good to myself. In my eyes, doing for others was doing for me in the long run but I was mistaken. Unfortunately, the world we live in is no longer built on the golden rule, loyalty, or putting the ones you love before yourself….and these are things i was taught to do growing up. It’s all i know. It’s time for me to learn more things…it’s time for me to learn the difference between entertainment and pleasure…time to decide what i REALLY want out of life…what i will no longer accept…etc, but more than anything learn how to LIVE in the moment.The world we live in now doesn’t teach us that sometimes we have to stop and recognize the shade of red a ripe tomato is, or how vintage the molding on a desk is, or how the birds speak to each other from across the street. i’m on a journey, along with many others. But there aren’t too many people who will admit to be lost within themselves. As people we want everyone to think we have it all together, when we don’t. But right now i feel as if i am existing….there is no passion…no overflowing joy. i used to be so optimistic, i used to have this certain lust for life…realizing now that my happiness was created from seeing smiles on people i love’s faces, from showing half empty people that it’s actually half full….but now i feel like it was never genuine when it came to me. I stayed strong for too long. I never allowed myself to FEEL, to SEE, to BREATHE. you can’t feel without touching, can’t see without vision, and can’t breathe without…well, breathing lol time to focus….time to reroute…on a journey to find MY JOY.

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