Fly.

if i was a bird, i would flee from this land and never look back,

head high, wings in tact.

flapping, flapping, soaring, soaring….

realizing life standing still is just too boring.

if i was a bird, i’ll leave this place,

fleeing disaster, and fleeing hate. 

watching life from the sky,

oh what it’s like to be this high.

if i was a bird, i would just escape,

on the way to destiny, i mustn’t be late.

oh what i would do just to fly,

to steal the day, and disappear by night.

I guess it was meant for me to be strong,

to let the birds sing my song…

to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground,

body in tact, mind is sound.

i’m not a bird, i’m a girl…

living in a crazy world.

i can not fly, i can only walk.

i can not chirp, i can only talk.

but even though, i have legs..

i can not run away.

Unlike those birds, i have to stay.

& let my emotions, sway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ruin is a gift….

Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. We must always be prepared for endless transformation.

-Eat, Pray, Love.

time to FEEL.

I guess i’m at that point where I’m finally realized I haven’t found myself just yet. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to be good to those around me that i never was really good to myself. In my eyes, doing for others was doing for me in the long run but I was mistaken. Unfortunately, the world we live in is no longer built on the golden rule, loyalty, or putting the ones you love before yourself….and these are things i was taught to do growing up. It’s all i know. It’s time for me to learn more things…it’s time for me to learn the difference between entertainment and pleasure…time to decide what i REALLY want out of life…what i will no longer accept…etc, but more than anything learn how to LIVE in the moment.The world we live in now doesn’t teach us that sometimes we have to stop and recognize the shade of red a ripe tomato is, or how vintage the molding on a desk is, or how the birds speak to each other from across the street. i’m on a journey, along with many others. But there aren’t too many people who will admit to be lost within themselves. As people we want everyone to think we have it all together, when we don’t. But right now i feel as if i am existing….there is no passion…no overflowing joy. i used to be so optimistic, i used to have this certain lust for life…realizing now that my happiness was created from seeing smiles on people i love’s faces, from showing half empty people that it’s actually half full….but now i feel like it was never genuine when it came to me. I stayed strong for too long. I never allowed myself to FEEL, to SEE, to BREATHE. you can’t feel without touching, can’t see without vision, and can’t breathe without…well, breathing lol time to focus….time to reroute…on a journey to find MY JOY.

Progress!!!

Here are the results guys!!! Going clockwise: Starting off, end of week one, end of week two, & a “suck in one” which doesn’t count but I had to fill the last square lol

Fast? What fast?

I’m finished!!! I finished my fast yesterday, 14 days of liquids!! Now my results are not as expected results because i am an addict and was cheating in between and superbowl weekend of course i over ate…but i lost a total of 8 pounds and am noticeably smaller. Originally it was 12 pounds but superbowl weekend took 4 of those away 😦 . I would say i went from a size 9 to a 7. (oh and i never mentioned i am 5’0 & weighed 150 before the fast, now 142) If you continue consecutively and include small workouts you should lose about 10-15 lbs in a 2 week span. Overall the fast was hard, especially because i love food sooooo much. but it’s not impossible at all! Now that i’ve finished the fast I don’t even want to eat as much. i find myself staring at the fridge and not wanting anything but fruit or something to drink lol I am slowly weening myself back on to food…trying not to go too hard on meat and will be watching my portions because i don’t want to gain the weight right back (like most people do, and superbowl weekend was proof that it could happen). With this fast and my book that i am still reading (don’t judge me i don’t take the time out i should to read every day) i learned that i used food to not have to face a lot of things. So now when i feel hungry i sit and ask myself…am i really hungry or do i just want to eat….is something wrong that i am trying to put in the back of my mind? and surprisingly i find myself actually facing more of my problems. oh what a difference food can make!!! I will post pictures of the beginning result, after one week, and after the second week to see if you guys notice the difference. Stay tuned!!

Day 13? The search…

Okay so today marks Day 13 of my fast which means tomorrow technically would be my last day…but i was a very bad girl this superbowl weekend (couldn’t say no to pizza and wings LOL) so i decided to at least finish a full 14 days. so i will continue my fast throughout the week. But really i am learning the difference between a need and a want. needing to eat and wanting it because it’s there. i’ve learned to apply what i’ve learned during this fast to everyday life as well. wanting more than i need. geesh. Also, i was reading more of my book and she mentioned that some religions look at the stomach as the soul. Which i can’t disagree with, it makes a lot of sense to me. and when my soul feels empty, i eat…even when i am not hungry. so in reality, controlling my compulsive eating isn’t the issue, it’s not even the fact that i feel empty or like something is missing….it’s finding out what that something is.. oh joy.

trying to find what’s missing,

Lovelace.

Scorpio Love!

What a Scorpio woman thinks n wants
When one of her possessive tantrums is at display, make sure that you listen very carefully to what she says and explain yourself after she calms down.
2
Scorpio women are very high-class. Take them out on a date to the museum, opera, a fancy restaurant, an intellectual film or an art show. Scorpio women love to go to these kind of activities and she will love you for it, too.
3
Don’t ever say anything hurtful about her appearance. If you do this it will stay with her forever, and she will keep taunting and reminding you to make you feel guilty. She’s never forget it, and you will regret it.
4
Don’t flirt with other women in front of her. This will only make her feel jealous and insecure, the burden of which you will have to bear.
5
Always appreciate the little things she does for you. This will make her feel great.
6
Don’t tell her you don’t like her friends, because a Scorpio woman is a very loyal friend and chooses her friends very carefully.
7
If she gives you attention, respond to it. Don’t ever take her for granted, and never ignore her.
8
She loves to be taken care of. Baby her and she will love you more.
9
Compliment her. This will make her feel loved.
10
If she tells you not to do something, listen to her. She hates people who don’t take her seriously.
11
When she is angry, just listen. Don’t interrupt, because she’ll sting you in more ways than one!
12
Think before you speak. The Scorpio woman has a tough exterior, but she’s extremely sensitive.
13
When a Scorpio loves, she loves with her whole heart. She’s extremely loyal and expects this in return.
14
Beware of any revenges. Ask her why, and listen to what she says.
15
NEVER cheat on her! She will find out. She is an expert detective, and she especially loves to investigate the man she loves.
16
NEVER lie to her. She hates dishonest people.

Black Woman

How can you devalue
and disrespect the black woman
with such reckless disregard
for all the emotional damage
and physical pain you cause?
Do you lack love for your mother?
Do you resent your skin color?
Does the media control your mind?
Or do you see through The Bluest Eye?
Is her strength too much for your false sense of pride?
Did you know that “black woman” is synonymous with “God”?

-Anonymous

Love Addict

Love is my addiction, i think i need it to survive.

With no love, i rather not be alive.

I need it in my veins, when it hits me i feel no pain.

my love has no shame, and it loves me the same.

love causes you to smile, blush, and glow

why anyone wouldn’t want it, i wouldn’t know.

don’t try to lace my love drug with your hate

and when i get my munchies keep your hands out my plate

yeah, love will have you a little stingy and not wanting to share

but where were you when my love wasn’t there?

Love is my addiction, and i’m always needing a fix

& once i’m feeling really good, i add affection and compassion into my mix

ohhh what it’s like to be that high, oh what it’s like to cry a joyful cry

love i need you to get by, without you i just might die

don’t tell me too much of anything can harm you or worse

because i don’t care, i may even over dose

This ‘drug’ was given to me by the dealer above

and he said there’s nothing wrong with my addiction to love. 

 

 

Breakfast!!

Perfect way to jump start your morning!! Day 3!