Curl Pattern :)

Giving Ms.Frizzle some deep condition 🙂

blank.

bare

barren

empty

pale

plain

uncomplete

unfilled

unused

vacant

void

NUMB.

 

 

 

lust

he had eyes like i’ve never seen before. so deep and full of life. i made sure to never make eye contact for longer than i needed just to view the beautiful site. daydreaming about the love he maybe offers, he caught me in a stare.

everything was there. everything was there.

whatever i was missing, whatever void i had….existed no more.

tickled, i giggled.

butterflies…..i anticipated his smooth lies.

heart pounding…..wondering what his touch was like.

legs crossing…imagining how he felt. 

i found lust…deep in a stare.

 

 

 

in a sea of tim…

in a sea of time never get drowned by the idea of love,

and don’t let the anchor of nostalgia hold you down.

-Sarah Bellum

high.

i always wondered what it felt like to be an addict. Never wanted to really experience it, but i always wondered…how could you want something so bad? How can you let something control and consume you…a drug that you know is no good for you? Then i slipped and tripped into your arms and next thing i know i fell in love. i was high. for the first time in my life i was really high. hit after hit i couldn’t get enough. didn’t know if it was your love drug or if i got bit by the love bug…but either way i had to have it. Cloud 9 was an understatement, i was touching the heavens. i was soaring the clear blue skies like the bird i always wanted to be. i thought i was free. one day you came to me, and told me that you had to leave. you said it was getting to real and you couldn’t allow yourself to feel. my love, my dealer, my drug….but…

i was numb. i was hopeless. i’d give anything to be high. i’d give anything to soar those skies. just one last hit baby and i swear i’ll be alright…

the thought of it consumed me. the time spent ruined me. 

i know what it’s like to be an addict. i know what it’s like to be high and not have it. my dealer…my drug…my only first love.

Fly.

if i was a bird, i would flee from this land and never look back,

head high, wings in tact.

flapping, flapping, soaring, soaring….

realizing life standing still is just too boring.

if i was a bird, i’ll leave this place,

fleeing disaster, and fleeing hate. 

watching life from the sky,

oh what it’s like to be this high.

if i was a bird, i would just escape,

on the way to destiny, i mustn’t be late.

oh what i would do just to fly,

to steal the day, and disappear by night.

I guess it was meant for me to be strong,

to let the birds sing my song…

to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground,

body in tact, mind is sound.

i’m not a bird, i’m a girl…

living in a crazy world.

i can not fly, i can only walk.

i can not chirp, i can only talk.

but even though, i have legs..

i can not run away.

Unlike those birds, i have to stay.

& let my emotions, sway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ruin is a gift….

Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. We must always be prepared for endless transformation.

-Eat, Pray, Love.

time to FEEL.

I guess i’m at that point where I’m finally realized I haven’t found myself just yet. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to be good to those around me that i never was really good to myself. In my eyes, doing for others was doing for me in the long run but I was mistaken. Unfortunately, the world we live in is no longer built on the golden rule, loyalty, or putting the ones you love before yourself….and these are things i was taught to do growing up. It’s all i know. It’s time for me to learn more things…it’s time for me to learn the difference between entertainment and pleasure…time to decide what i REALLY want out of life…what i will no longer accept…etc, but more than anything learn how to LIVE in the moment.The world we live in now doesn’t teach us that sometimes we have to stop and recognize the shade of red a ripe tomato is, or how vintage the molding on a desk is, or how the birds speak to each other from across the street. i’m on a journey, along with many others. But there aren’t too many people who will admit to be lost within themselves. As people we want everyone to think we have it all together, when we don’t. But right now i feel as if i am existing….there is no passion…no overflowing joy. i used to be so optimistic, i used to have this certain lust for life…realizing now that my happiness was created from seeing smiles on people i love’s faces, from showing half empty people that it’s actually half full….but now i feel like it was never genuine when it came to me. I stayed strong for too long. I never allowed myself to FEEL, to SEE, to BREATHE. you can’t feel without touching, can’t see without vision, and can’t breathe without…well, breathing lol time to focus….time to reroute…on a journey to find MY JOY.